I’m leaving Toronto. It’s really, really happening. I… I don’t know what to say. I’m in a state of “OHMYGOODNESS, I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!” and, “oh my goodness this is an end!”
Ever since I got back from Europe I’ve felt an even deeper restlessness plague me than before. Remember when I said Toronto wasn’t home? I absolutely want to make Europe my home.
I’ve been want to get out for so long, and now the opportunity is finally here…except given in a different way than I expected it (of course, universe. Of course you would do that). I expected to leave Toronto for Europe. This isn’t to leave for Europe. It’s to leave for a job in Vancouver, Canada.
I remember in 2018 I visited Vancouver by myself for 4 days and I loved it so much that I wished I could move there. Was my manifestation finally coming true 5 years later, now that I’ve moved on from that desire and now desire to live in Europe?
(2018 Vancouver Vlogs below):
I’ve never started a new life by myself anywhere. The life that I’ve only ever known is in Toronto. All my friends are here. All my favourite dance classes that I adore on Saturdays are here. All my connections, all my favourite clubs…soon to be gone.
Somehow, every mundane, lackluster thing that made Toronto seem just a bit more sacred to me now that I know my time here is limited. Nothing on the outside has changed; but my perspective has. And that’s what a miracle is; a perspective shift. I give a little more heart and presence to the vapid city knowing it’d be the last time I do this.
And another thing besides starting a new life on my own in a new place..
I’ve never worked fulltime in my life! I avoided the 9-5 monotony for a good reason. I liked to wear multiple hats; how could I ever work just one task all the time? I’m multi-passionate and multi-creative. I’m a piano that has many keys. I’m a speaker. I’m a creator. I like dancing and I like guiding and coaching. I like saying “cheese!” when I’m at the office taking pictures of staff for their ID card when they’re too shy to smile for the camera. I love hosting gatherings and also being participants in them. I am a follower and a leader. I’m masculine and feminine. I am divine and silly. I am a hard and soft. I am spring and I am winter.
I am able to be all these things in different parts of my day because they all bring out different parts of me, and that doesn’t drain too much energy from one specific source. One friend said that I may have ADHD. I never considered that; I’ve always seen myself as multi-passionate. That’s why I’ve always worked part time.
I also won’t have the same time to content create for YouTube, Instagram, taking care of my facebook inner circle and coaching. I’ll have a limited capacity to take on clients amongst all other things (so I only have 3 spots open at the moment; send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org if you want in or to be put on the waitlist)
Will I have the capacity for something so intense and demanding, like this new fulltime job with erratic hours? Will I have the energy to play just one character?
I gulp at the thought.
But, maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe I could be all those things and more in this new job in a new city.
I’ve also have never had benefits from a job before. And I could make wonderful friendships in Vancouver. And what if I love my job so much and it adds to what I do as a coach and speaker? I could meet other speakers. We could collaborate.
I could meet a client in first class.
I could fly to Europe again, however brief my stay would be (Oh! Yes yes yes!). I can eat Swiss cheese again. 🧀
Maybe I fly back to Toronto more often than I thought and I could keep up with some friendships and take some of my belongings back with me every time.
Maybe the house-hunting wouldn’t be so stressful; maybe I meet a famous hotel owner that doesn’t mind me staying half of the month at a spare room to live in because they are so kind.
Maybe I am recognized by one of the passengers(you!)! Maybe I’ll see one of you on board!
🤩 Maybe I become best friends with my boss! ….maybe my boss is a fan of my work?!
This could be magical. I think of all the possibilities, and there is more than I even know. The universe gives me so many surprise gifts. Not all of them look like a gift, but they are.
I have more to gain than I have to lose.
I have less than a month to prep.