Accepting Myself As I Am.

me sport bra outdoors run

These days, I’ve been spending lots of time doing leisure things:

The other day, I chased down a girl named Angelina that I’ve seen walking around the neighbourhood. I’ve always seens her strolling around, but never taken the time to approach her on my runs. Today, I did. I introduced myself, hoping to gain a friend and walking buddy. She said she’s seen me around too, and although she lives just around the corner, she spent a few momths living ON MY STREET (and I’ve never seen her until now!) We exchanged numbers.

#MakingFriendsAsAnAdult.

I wait for the world to open up again so that I may travel.

I’ve gained around 15-20 lbs since last year August 2020. I can attribute it to a number of things; loneliness, insomnia, self-imposed stressors, family, etc. But what I want to realiy pinpoint is I’ve been in the process of accepting what is, instead of fighting it. Suffering comes from when our expectations/ideals don’t match reality. I can love myself and still lose these pounds, or I can fight my body as I’m doing so; one is a lot more graceful.

(my body last year)

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Acceptance doens’t mean you like or agree with what is happening.

Acceptance means you’re not going to fight what is.

I accept that I’m heavier, moodier, less fit, less flexible, and more agitated and lonely and confused than I was last year. I accept these new rolls on my stomach, and the fact that my arms flab around when I’m waving. I accept that I get winded walking up a hill. I accept that I no longer find joy in running 60+minutes in the summer heat. I accept that my cardiovascular health will decrease.

I accept the summer heat and what it does to my body. I accept that I get faint in the heat. I accept that I can’t sleep at night and thus my conginitive performance in the day time is poorer. I accept that I binge eat when I’m bored or lonely.

I accept that I feel bored and lonely. I accept that I haven’t been taking the best care of myself. I accept that I’m going through some hard stuff and my physical and mental health have taken a toll. I accept that I am doing the best I can, which fluctautes every single day. I accept that I can’t change the weather nor my body with the wave of a wand. I accept that I feel stuck and sad.

I accept this new body. I accept what is.

This particular post from Kalyn Nicholson really made me feel better about my own weight gain:

(She’s an amazing soul; I follow her on YouTube.)

I want to end my suffering and choose to be happy with myself, as I am, now. I don’t want my happiness to be dependant on my achievements, actions, results, or appearance. I choose happy. I choose happy. And I choose unconditional happiness; happiness that does not depend on any other factor to exist.

These revelations have made it clear to me that I no longer choose to be held down my finances and rigid routines in order to travel. I’ve decided that once things open up to travel again, I am packing my things to leave.

Where? I’m thinking of Vancouver again.


What will you accept today? Where would you like to travel?