Lovingly Expressing Disappointment and Boundaries

One of the things I’ve been working on this year is loving communication. Yay, a way to exercise my throat chakra!

You know the sandwich effect when giving feedback? It. sure. as. hell. works.

First, you hit em with a positive. (eg. “Hey Ann! I just want to acknowlege you for your time yesterday at the meeting.”)

Then you slather, ever so gently, with some improvements/requests. (eg. “I’d like to see if you can _____ the next time for easier accountability on both our parts. How does this feel?”)

Then you hit em with a positive again. (eg. “Thank you again for your energy–I am really excited to move forward with you!”)

It takes time to craft a polite, affectionate response. So if you’re on the go, I suggest you put it in your back pocket until you have the undistracted time to respond.

I’m a total empath and hate being accused, or accusing others. I think we are all just doing the best we can, and the best way we can get someone to respect our wishes is to empower them for them to want to do better themselves–>initiating an intrinsic motivation within. Not the reward-and-punishment way in which society so heavily operates in.

pusheen cat sad

The Holistic Psychologist strikes again with this concept! I loved her previous video on emotional addiction (we ALL have one!), which I did an in-depth creative reflection on, and I’m loving this one too.

I took many notes on this video, and there are templates she gives that I think would serve you in lovingly communicating your need to friends, family, and coworkers about what you’ll stand for, and won’t.

Key takeaways:

“I love you, and I’m hurt by what happened.”

“I understand why you did that and I hope you can understand why it makes me uncomfortable.”

“I see why that situation was difficult for you and I’m feeling ___ because of how that affected me.”

“I hear that you didn’t think this would be a big deal; I need you to understand why it feels like one for me in this moment.”

“This wasn’t intentional, I understand, and it brings up a lot from my past conditioning”.

Notice how all of these things talk about YOU. And not the other person.

How it affected YOU.

How YOU feel.

It does not accuse (“You’re insensitive!” “How could you say that?!” etc), it didn’t criticize, and it actually gives empathy for where they’re coming from when they say/do things that (intentionally or unintentionally) hurt you.

selfie happy bright pink hoodie sweater

I love these templates, and will be using them from time to time. Bye for now!

Which one of these sentence starters feels most authentic to you right now?