What Loneliness Has Taught Me


Oh, how I’ve been through this loop again and again.

I know that when I’m alone or feeling like I want something, I flip it and give what it is that I want to receive instead. It might sound contradictory, but the more you give what you want, the more abundant you feel (and it’s like your brain thinks; wow! I have ___ already!); and it’s like you get it yourself.

You want love? Give love. You want money? Donate some coins to the homeless sitting outside the subway station. You want company? Strike up a conversation to a stranger at a coffee shop.

I want a job.

So I went out of my way to volunteer. In October, I offered some Pay-What-You-Can/free yoga sessions and met some lovely ladies! I made friendships, even got a Tarot reading. The next week, I landed a job as a cashier at a natural health food store.

I feel lonely.

So I continually offer company to my friends. I ask them if they’d like to go on a walk, dance, drive around town. I seek out events happening downtown and invite them to join me. Sometimes I get rejected, and it hurts. If you feel like you’re not getting what you want, keep trying. It’s like trying to win the lottery–you have a very slim chance of winning, but if you never purchase a ticket, you’ll have no chance of winning at all. If I never put myself out there, I’ll never meet new friends. I’d never meet some of the most wonderful people on this earth.

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"Merry Christmas!" I said, to every single stranger I met. I got many smiles in return, striked up a conversation between two strangers standing a meter apart who weren't talking to each other before I came along to wait at the bus stop with them, and even made a new friend named Chris who genuinely responded with a "merry Christmas!" back. I was not expecting that amount of generosity in return. I felt my lips curl up into a smile. Chris was a name I loved until I despised since meeting my housemate(who egged my door; a whole YouTube video on my channel about that) and now, love again. My heart expanded three times its size, and brimmed with gratitude…so much so I could not contain it. Suddenly, I wanted to buy the whole world coffee, and embrace each human soul. Chris and I exchanged hugs and numbers and a friendly conversation about synchronicity. I learned that he's returning to school in January. And that had I not said anything he would have already long left the bus stop to get out of the snow and just go home. Magic happens when it's snowing, when each year's December rolls around. It's truly the most wonderful time of the year. ❤

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So FALL on your face and get rejected–keep trying. Because eventually you will find what it is you’re looking for.

When I ask for company, it’s a cry for help. The loneliness I feel deep inside is much to bear, and having your quiet company beside is comforting, whether or not we speak.

When I ask for help, it’s a cry for help because the task itself seems too daunting for me to fathom doing. 

When I ask if you want to hang out, it’s a plea. I don’t want to be in my own mind with my spiraling thoughts and I find your presence refreshing.

The next time someone reaches out and offers to spend time, give them the gift of your company. Because on some level–however shallow or deep, they are seeking comfort. Inspiration. A higher vibe, and they’d love it if they could share that with you. You’re doing them a favour.

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Lastly, I want to thank you, loneliness for teaching me what true friendship is. For making me appreciate connections when I have them, for shaping my heart to be as empathetic; these are gifts that I am able to share with others through coaching.